The AZ of Killing Shabnom
by Eclipse of the Heart
Summary: This is an A-Z of killing Shabnom. Any person who actually reads the titles would know this. Basically, this is to tell the future generations all about the ways to kill Shabnom. Especially the younger ones out there. Enjoy all.


The A-Z of Killing Shabnom

Foreword: This is a handy guide like your A-Z. Actually, the A-Z isn't handy, it's a piece of outdated crap. At least last time I checked. No, this is not like the A-Z, it is more like…hmm…-thinking- I know! It's like laughing gas that will make you laugh so much that you can't breathe and then you get high and eventually die from lack of oxygen. That is just how great it is. But don't take my word for it—just read it yourself, fools!

A—Axl Rose. Really, just one glance at Axl Rose in hotpants would kill anyone, but his screeching that some classify as singing could also send anyone over the edge.

B—Blonde bimbos-. Well, Shabnom, you make fun of them, so by now they have more than enough rights to kill you with their whips and other things like that.

Please note that it is _Shabnom_ who makes these comments, and not me. I mean no offence to blondes. Unless you're a slut, of course, and proclaim it too. So, blondes everywhere, take your frustration out on her :D

C—Claw Shabnom's eyes out. I must say that this fate is not nearly painful enough and since Shabnom doesn't use her eyes anyway, due to being blind…whatever. Her brain will ooze out of her eye sockets but she doesn't use this either…

D—Dudes with quaffs like Elvis poking her to death with their hair. By the time this is over there might not be anything left, save a bloody pool of crushed flesh. Have you ever seen the gel those guys use? It makes their hair way sharper than any knife…and so much more deadly…

E—Elynor and Eleanor. This time it's personal! She has called me 'elk' or 'elkie' just one too many times. And really, Shabnom, no need to pluralize mine and Eleanor's names. The horrors that will befall you are too horrible and graphic to write here. I fear all of those impressionable youths reading this fic may get ideas…oh crap! I should have written something down…Too late now, I suppose TT

F—Fuckeritis. Shabnom, either you can catch this, become one of those French fuckers and just end up very unhappy because we will easily over-power you (due to you being so damn weak), or we can go back to that day in Pompeii when Grace- caught Fuckeritis…If you'll remember Shabnom, you were the only one squealing ,'Don't fuck me!' Ah, those were the days…-gains a far-off expression, probably thinking…a surprise to me (I can think 0o !)- Anyway, either way you shall die :)

Please also note that it is only with permission that I am allowed to put Grace's name here, as it is copyrighted. Just thought I'd let you all know…

G—Grace Murphy () (copyright of Grace Murphy industries). Ah, Grace. Grace and her handy battle-axe. Need I say more? I'd get the blindfold if I were you. The sight alone would probably kill you…

H—Hermione Granger. Yes, this is referring to the one from 'Harry Potter'. Yes, Shabnom, I know you hate her, but don't worry, I'll only strap you into a chair, forcing you to watch a re-enaction of that fanfiction where she was either making out with Harry or Draco in the storage cupboard…

I—Incarnation into manga Yumi, from Chobits. Ah, yes, a fitting fate. Only you shall be aware of what you are doing, but not be able to actually stop it! That will be more than enough to kill you again…

J—Juvenile hall. After going on and on about guys making out, someone was bound to arrest her. She wouldn't last a day with all of those hardened criminals. Or with those horrible orange jumpsuits things that criminals are forced to wear…

K—Kickboxing practice dummy. I can do the kickboxing and she can be the dummy. She is a dummy anyway, after all. 'Nuff said.

L—Lauren from U4N. Well, it was either than or llamas so Lauren seemed somewhat more appropriate. I shudder to think what she would do…Actually, not. She forced me to put her here…

M—Music. As in poppy crap. As in stuff by Britney Spears. This may well cause a mass meltdown and/or spontaneous combustion.

N—Ninja turtles. Have you ever seen the show? I'm sorry, but **WHAT THE FUCK! WHO THE HELL THOUGHT UP AN IDEA LIKE THAT! **More than five minutes of watching that crap could very well kill anyone (except demented/nerdy six-year-old boys who actually **_LIKE_** that crap.) At the very least, her eyes would melt out of her sockets, or her face could make a nice little puddle on the floor…

O—Orange. Either the colour or the fruit. Really. The colour orange is just one helluva horrific colour, some would wish they were dead after seeing it. That and I might have not had any other ideas for this letter…

P—Pisseli. Or, more to the point, Pisseli Mutilati. For those of you with a need for a translation, it means 'mutilated peas'. Just great. Thanks heaps for calling us that in Pompeii, Mr Barron! All Shabnom has to do is say those two words of evil and she will be dead, killed by those in U4P who went to Pompeii and never want to hear those two words of evil again…

Q—Queuing. The English love it. Shabnom doesn't. Now all we have to do is put her in a typically English queue (about 10 times longer than any other queue) and we'd be all set.

R—Rocks. We can hand them out to everyone and tell them to hit a specific target. I think we can all guess who that would be…

S—Shit. Yup. We can hire poopsmiths from all over the globe to bring their high quality stuff and then they can pile it on top of Shabnom. There will be very little (if anything) left.

T—Toes. Instead of finger sandwiches, we can feed her with toe sandwiches…the filling being real, rotting, human toes from the feet of people who either teach or do sports for a living. That should be sufficiently nasty enough.

U—Under ground in a small room with the air running out with Mrs James, strapped in a chair, unable to do anything. The sheer horror of being in a room with Mrs James…alone…unable to do anything…alone…should kill her before the lack of oxygen does…

V—Violence. They say that violence isn't the answer, but in this case I beg to differ. Violence is most definitely the answer.

W—Wayne Barron. Wow –eyes glaze over-. Truly a horrific fate. I think anything he does could destroy her, whether directly or indirectly. Or he could kill her by making her laugh until she runs out of oxygen when he begins one of his many, many lectures like: 'You and I have sex. The table and the chair do not have sex,' quoth Mr Barron, part of the famous gender lecture.

X—Xylophones. The ones from planet Xar. Never heard of them? Well you should have done. They are the greatest killing force in the Universe, except my giant mutant 3-headed pickle army, of course. Yup, she'll be in for a surprise when she answers the knock on the door and finds an army. **MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA**…et cetera, et cetera. The usual maniacal laugh, copyright of evil geniuses/dictators. I happen to be both.

Y—Yetis. They're sweet, fluffy, adorable in every way…They are also over fifty feet tall and like to have humans for breakfast. Now to just give them Shabnom's address…

Z—Zebra crossing. Only she can see it, and it just _happens_ to be on a really large motorway and she just _happens_ to be stuck there unless she crosses the invisible zebra crossing.

That's it for meh little one-shot. I hope that everyone, not just people who know Shabnom appreciates the time I took to get off my lazy bum and **_write_** this thing…

Also, people have asked me if this is really a fanfiction. Of course it is, fools! Here are the reasons:

1. It's on I am a fan of killing Shabnom.

3. (And the most important reason of all) Because I say so, that's why!

More fanfictions coming soon…soon…**MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA **-hack! Coughing in a dying sort of way here-. No idea where that came from…


End file.
